Tony's Unpatented and Probably Stolen From Somewhere Else Delicious Lasagna
1/2 An onion (or more, if you like onions)
1 Garlic clove
1 lb. Lasagna Noodles
1 lb. Sausage (or whatever meat you want)
15 oz. Ricotta Cheese
A shitload of grated parmesan cheese (at least 1/2 a pound)
2 lb. Shredded mozzarella
Whatever vegetables and or spices your heart desires.
2 x 26 oz.. Cans of tomato sauce (or make your own, if you want to be elitist about it)Pots, Pans, etc.:
Large sauté pan with a lid.
A ginormous pot and bowl
13” x 9” x 2” Lasagna pan
Baking pan (large enough for the bottom of the lasagna pan to fit in)Directions:
Chop up your onion, very fine. Do the same to your garlic clove.
Coat the bottom of a large sauté pan with olive oil. Heat on a very very very very low flame.
the oil is warm, throw in your chopped onions. The idea is to
caramelize them, and it’s going to take time. Don’t be impatient, or
they might burn. Then you’ll have little blackened onions that look
like bugs. Then your friends will pretend to like your lasagna, but
really, they’ll be thinking you served them baby roaches. So keep that flame
low, and stir with a spatula.
While the onions are cooking, skin
your sausages, and chop them up. Also, fill a pot large enough for a
pound of lasagna noodles with water, and turn on the flame underneath.
Cover if you want. It’s going to take a while to bring to a boil.
the onions are nice and brown and smell sweet, add your garlic and
sausage. Keep the flame low. Stir with a spatula, until the meat is
cooked and brown.
Remove from heat, and drain in a very fine
colander. I like to wash the pan at this stage, otherwise, the lasagna
becomes too greasy. Make sure the bottom is clean and dry, so when you
put it back on the flame, you don’t start a nice grease fire, burn your
house and yourself to ashes, come back to life wearing a striped
sweater, and slash me up in my dreams with your razor-glove.
sausage and onions back in your clean pan, and return to the low flame.
Add one can of your sauce, and mix in whatever vegetables, other meats,
and spices you desire. Go nuts. Cover, and lower the flame until it’s
barely there, and let it simmer. Probably a good idea to stir
Hopefully, your water is boiling by now. Add the
lasagna noodles, fanning them back and forth. Let them cook for ten
minutes. Stir every few minutes so they don’t stick.
mixture is simmering and your noodles are cooking, take your ginormous
bowl, and mix together the ricotta, 1 lb. of shredded mozzarella,
and parmesan. Fold with a cake spatula until you have a nice paste.
your ten minutes are up (you’ve been stirring your mixture and noodles,
right?) Drain the noodles. Leave the colander in the sink, and run cold
water over them from the tap. This will keep the noodles from sticking,
so just let the water run.
Remove your onions/ sausage / sauce/
garlic/ whatever mixture from the heat, and pour it into your bowl of
cheeses. Mix and fold with your spatula, until you have a nice... soup.
the lasagna pan in the baking pan (this gives it a little extra
support, as the lasagna gets heavy, and aluminum pans are rubbish.)
Coat the bottom of the lasagna pan with 1/4 of the other can of sauce.
Pour a few thin lines of olive oil through the middle. This will keep
the noodles from sticking.
Take your noodles out of the running water, and coat the bottom with a layer of four, lengthwise.
Spoon in a coating of onions/ sausage / sauce/ garlic/ whatever / cheese soup. Not too much, you have to make it last.
Add another layer of four noodles
Pour in more goop.
Keep doing this, until you have four noodles left, and place them on top.
with the last 3/4 of the can of sauce. Cover the sauce with the other
pound of mozzarella, and sprinkle on some more parmesan, because you
can never have enough.
Cover with aluminum foil (I’m a fan of no-stick.)
You can refrigerate it overnight at this stage, if you like.
it in the oven for an hour at 425 degrees Fahrenheit. If you’re the
type of person who likes a crispy top, take off the foil for the last
Take it out, take off the foil (if you haven’t already) and let it sit for ten minutes.
Cut it into squares, and serve.
instant acclaim as an amazing chef, and beautiful person. Bask in the
glow of your friends and families awe and wonder. Try not to let it go
to your head.